EASTER SURVIVAL TIPS

Well shit everybody, welcome to the most dangerous holiday of the year... easter. You'd think it'd be halloween, but to be honest it's not that bad. The things that lurk in the dark tend to get real bad self esteem issues around then what with all the kids wearing facsimiles of them on their bodies like hunters decorating themselves with the pelt of their latest kill, so they mostly just stay in their lairs. Valentine's day, though? That's a killer.
Anyway. Easter.
This year the Foul Hare will try and weed it's way into your household. DO NOT LET IT! It may lull you into a false sense of security with chocolate eggs in bright packaging, but they are hungry, ravenous beasts and if given a chance will be cracking YOUR SKULL like an egg!
Thankfully, ol' Mike has some tips for surviving this most hellish of days. Read below.

1. DO NOT EAT THE EASTER EGGS! The bunnies can see through them and impart pieces of their soul inside, ingesting these pieces gives them control. You can eat them after easter that's okay, the bunnies lose their power then. My recommendation is shoving them in a closet and resisting the urge until tuesday rolls around.
2. Be sure to remove/cover up any rabbit related toys or decorations. The easter bunny can see through them like cameras.
3. The easter bunny can mimic voices. Tell your mail man to leave any packages at the door.
4. They're weak to, of all the things, hot liquids. Just straight up melts 'em. So if one gets inside make sure you've got your hot water tap or a kettle at the ready.
5. Pray at least twice. Those bunnies are hardline athiests and it makes them sick if your house has too much holy energy. Holing yourself up in a local church ain't a bad shout.

Good luck this easter!

THERE WAS AN EGG AT MY DOOR WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING

FUCKIN HELL

THE TREES. SHIT WHY DIDN'T I THINK ABOUT THAT

CHRIST ALIVE, THE TREES

im gonna cummmm

Believe me, I have several. But the fuckers caught me off guard. They knew I was speaking about them, they hate that more than anything. I fought 'em hard, as always, but... woof. They've got sharper claws than you'd like to think. Fuck I wish I wasn't out of painkillers today.

LESSON OF THE STORY: EASTER RABBITS ARE EVIL BASTARDS

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Guest wrote:

Seems like you need one of these

Nice piece.

Guest wrote:

Seems like you need one of these

Are you fsther grigory

Sent from my gravity iPhone

Guest wrote:

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Oh man... the bunnies musta got him.

rockymountainsmike111 wrote:

Guest wrote:

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Oh man... the bunnies musta got him.

I think they're fucking after me.

Slugbo22 wrote:

Guest wrote:

Seems like you need one of these

Are you fsther grigory

Sent from my gravity iPhone

Father Grigori has a lever action shotgun.

G-Man wrote:

I think they're fucking after me.

Oh man. You better pool your resources. They don't fuck around.

rockymountainsmike111 wrote:

G-Man wrote:

I think they're fucking after me.

Oh man. You better pool your resources. They don't fuck around.

I'm not talking about the rabbits.

wjjy are yu like this g@rry

ill fucking kill you mike

You're not the first to try and you won't be the last, dag nab it!

wjait wat doaes kill mean

GET LEARNED! A BIG BRAIN IS AN ALIVE BRAIN!

This was not intended! Oops!

rockymountainsmike111 wrote:

https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/kill-killing/

awesome

YOU'RE REAL? AND HERE? HOLY MOLY! I NEED TO FIND A PRIEST AND LOCK HIM INSIDE A CONFESSION CHAMBER RIGHT NOW, CAUSE IT'S GONNA BE A LONG ONE.

Nah bro i forgive you it's fine