Posts : 54 Times Spotted by the Killer : 66 Join date : 2024-01-05 Location : Forum
Subject: CREEPY POST 2 Sat Jan 06, 2024 3:51 pm
ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A BOY WHO WAS AS TALL AS A DOOR, EVERY TIME HE WALKED THRU A DOOR HE WOULD HIT HIS HEAD ON THE DOOR FRAME. THIS BOYS NAME WAS RICHARD.
ON ONE DARK STORMY AND FEARFUL NIGHT RICHARD WAS WALKING THROUGH THE PARK. THE COLD AIR CHILLED HIM AND HE SHIVERED LIKE A SMALL DOG. RICHARD SHOULD HAVE WORN A BIGGER JACKET. BUT RICHARDS HINDSIGHT WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM TO STAY HOME OVER WEARING A JACKET BECAUSE OF THE TERRIFYING FEAR THAT AWAITS HIM ON THIS SCARY NIGHT.
THE STREET LIGHTS WERE DIM AND FLICKERING, LITTLE DID RICHARD KNOW THAT EACH LIGHT WOULD DIE COMPLETLEY AFTER HE PASSED IT. IF RICHARD WERE TO LOOK BEHIND HIM HE WOULD SEE NOTHING BUT A TERRIFYING DARKNESS, DARKER THAN A BLACK PEICE OF PAPER. BUT RICHARD HAD TO KEEP HIS EYES FORWARD AS WHAT WAS BEHIND HAD ALREADY PASSED AND WHAT WAS AHEAD WAS OH SO MORE TERRIFYING.
RICHARDS DESTINATION WAS 4 MORE BLOCKS AWAY, HE HAD A LONG WAY TO WALK IN THE MISERABLE DARKNESS, HIS LEGS ACHED LIKE A MAN WHO HAD JUST FINISHED A MARATHON, BUT HE HAD MUCH MORE LEGWORK TO DO. RICHARD SQUINTED HIS EYES AND HE SAW A FIGURE DART OUT OF HIS VIEW, THIS SCARED HIM LIKE A SCARY MOVIE.
THE TREES RUSTLED, THE BUSHES SHAKED. RICHARD RUBBED HIS EYES AS THEY WERE VERY STRAINED WHEN HE SUDDENLY HEARD A LOUD *CRACK* WHICH WAS LOUD AND SCARY LIKE THE SOUND OF A BROKEN BONE, BUT HE LOOKED DOWN AN HE HAD STEPPED ON A TWIG, ALMOST SCARY BUT HE IS SAFE FOR NOW.
BUT IN THIS MOMENT OF DISTRACTION THE SHADOWY FIGURE WHICH HE HAD SEEN PREVIOUSLY COULD HAVE BEEN ANYWHERE. BUT HE WAS IN ONE PLACE RIGHT BEHIND RICHARD.
"RIGHT BEHIIIIIIND YOOOOOOU" SAID THE SHADOWY FIGURE, TEMPTING RICHARD TO LOOK BEHIND. BUT RICHARD RESISTED AS HE WANTED TO GO TO HIS DESTINATION AND EAT A NICE MEAL WITH HIS FRIENDS. LITTLE DID RICHARD KNOW THAT IT WOULD NOT BE HIM ENJOYING THE MEAL. THE SAME SNAPPING SOUND HEARD PREVIOUSLY IS HEARD AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME VERY FAR BACK IN THE DISTANCE, THIS PROMPTED RICHARD TO TURN AROUND AND BEFORE HE COULD ASK HE WHO STEPPED ON A TWIG IF THEY ARE OK, THE SHADOW JUMPED DOWN HIS THROAT AND TOOK OVER HIS BODY, LIKE THE BRAIN SLUGS FROM FUTURAMA, BUT INSIDE NOT OUTSIDE.
A KNOCK IS HEARD ON THE DOOR, RICHARDS FRIEND OPENS THE DOOR AND GOES TO GREET HIS FRIEND, BUT WHAT STOOD BEFORE HIM WAS NO LONGER RICHARD...
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS THAT IS NO MORAL. A MAN WAS SIMPLY ATTACKED AT NIGHT AND POSSESED THAT'S LIFE.
CRITICISIM IS APPRECIATED
The Collector, the puzzle, PokeManiac, ChefLinguini and incandescenthope think this post RULES
KingHarkinian
Posts : 104 Times Spotted by the Killer : 110 Join date : 2023-12-29 Location : Hyrule
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sat Jan 06, 2024 10:24 pm
This was pretty good!
ChefLinguini, incandescenthope and CreepyPoster35 think this post RULES
The Collector
Posts : 547 Times Spotted by the Killer : 563 Join date : 2023-12-29 Location : EVIL Pokemart... KiKiKi!
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sat Jan 06, 2024 11:12 pm
Hehehe... Poor Dicky... Well, as you say, that's life! Or in this case, DEATH! AHAHAHA!
CreepyPoster35 thinks this post RULES
CreepyPoster35
Posts : 54 Times Spotted by the Killer : 66 Join date : 2024-01-05 Location : Forum
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 12:13 am
KingHarkinian wrote:
This was pretty good!
THANK YOU
The Collector wrote:
Hehehe... Poor Dicky... Well, as you say, that's life! Or in this case, DEATH! AHAHAHA!
I LIKE TO IMAGINE THAT HES NOT TECHNICALLY DEAD BUT THE SHADOW SPIRIT FORCES HIM TO STILL BE ABLE TO SEE BUT NOT MOVE ON HIS OWN, LIKE SLEEP PARALASYSIS WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT THAT?
The Collector
Posts : 547 Times Spotted by the Killer : 563 Join date : 2023-12-29 Location : EVIL Pokemart... KiKiKi!
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 12:27 am
I think that sounds scary, ehehe! Imagine if it started eating foods it knew he disliked, like if you hated pickles and all you could eat was pickles... What a nightmare! Kikiki!
ChefLinguini thinks this post RULES
thatAUTHORgirl
Posts : 178 Times Spotted by the Killer : 192 Join date : 2024-01-05
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 12:28 am
that reminds me of a creepy character i heard about....
CreepyPoster35
Posts : 54 Times Spotted by the Killer : 66 Join date : 2024-01-05 Location : Forum
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 1:08 am
thatAUTHORgirl wrote:
that reminds me of a creepy character i heard about....
WAIT DID I PLAGERISE BUT ACCIDENT?? TELL ME ABOUT THE ONE UR REMINDED BY PLEASE I DONT WANNA GO 2 JAIL!
The Collector
Posts : 547 Times Spotted by the Killer : 563 Join date : 2023-12-29 Location : EVIL Pokemart... KiKiKi!
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 1:13 am
You won't go to jail, but i've heard the Plagiarism Goblins might get you! Hehehe!
CreepyPoster35
Posts : 54 Times Spotted by the Killer : 66 Join date : 2024-01-05 Location : Forum
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 1:15 am
The Collector wrote:
You won't go to jail, but i've heard the Plagiarism Goblins might get you! Hehehe!
WOAH THAT SOUNDS SCARY BUT MAYBE COOL, I KNOW THERE'S A GOBLIN WHO RUNS HERE.
IS THERE A CREEPY POSTA ABOUT PLAGARISM GOBLINS IF THERES NOT MAYBE I WILL DO THAT FOR CREEPY POST 3?
The Collector
Posts : 547 Times Spotted by the Killer : 563 Join date : 2023-12-29 Location : EVIL Pokemart... KiKiKi!
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 1:16 am
There isn't one that i've seen, Kikiki!
CreepyPoster35 thinks this post RULES
CreepyPoster35
Posts : 54 Times Spotted by the Killer : 66 Join date : 2024-01-05 Location : Forum
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 1:18 am
The Collector wrote:
There isn't one that i've seen, Kikiki!
MY CREATIVE JUICE FLOWS.
I DONT WANT 2 SPAM FORUM SO CREEPY POST 3 WILL BE TOMORROW OR NEXT DAY!
ChefLinguini thinks this post RULES
The Collector
Posts : 547 Times Spotted by the Killer : 563 Join date : 2023-12-29 Location : EVIL Pokemart... KiKiKi!
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 1:26 am
I await it eagerly, but take your time... Lest you drain all your creative juices, you don't want that to happen! Ehehehe!
ChefLinguini thinks this post RULES
incandescenthope
Posts : 83 Times Spotted by the Killer : 91 Join date : 2024-01-05 Location : Wisconsin, USA
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 6:04 am
neat! i like it.
LethalSweety
Posts : 257 Times Spotted by the Killer : 277 Join date : 2023-12-28 Location : Uncanny Valley
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 10:41 am
this is certanly better.. so you are taking a step in the right direction, but of course no work is perfect.. maybe you should try clarifying the "scariness" of things less.. like instead of "HE SUDDENLY HEARD A LOUD *CRACK* WHICH WAS LOUD AND SCARY LIKE THE SOUND OF A BROKEN BONE" you could write "HE SUDDENLY HEARD A LOUD *CRACK*, LIKE THE SOUND OF A BROKEN BONE".. this is a lot less wordey adn more readable really.. also the build up just isnt that good.. you need to make sure that you pace your story in a way that builds tension and then releases that tension it has built up.. this story has a lot of moments where the tension seems almost wobbly at times really.. it keeps going up and down like he hears the loud crunch and its very tense but then its just him so it suddenly not tense but then the shadow guy is there and its suddenly really tense again.. this could work with better pacing, but the way you have paced these events makes it feel very.. lackluster to say the least..
the puzzle thinks this post RULES
Darksun95
Posts : 209 Times Spotted by the Killer : 237 Join date : 2024-01-05 Age : 29
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 11:11 am
CreepyPoster35 wrote:
ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A BOY WHO WAS AS TALL AS A DOOR, EVERY TIME HE WALKED THRU A DOOR HE WOULD HIT HIS HEAD ON THE DOOR FRAME. THIS BOYS NAME WAS RICHARD.
ON ONE DARK STORMY AND FEARFUL NIGHT RICHARD WAS WALKING THROUGH THE PARK. THE COLD AIR CHILLED HIM AND HE SHIVERED LIKE A SMALL DOG. RICHARD SHOULD HAVE WORN A BIGGER JACKET. BUT RICHARDS HINDSIGHT WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM TO STAY HOME OVER WEARING A JACKET BECAUSE OF THE TERRIFYING FEAR THAT AWAITS HIM ON THIS SCARY NIGHT.
THE STREET LIGHTS WERE DIM AND FLICKERING, LITTLE DID RICHARD KNOW THAT EACH LIGHT WOULD DIE COMPLETLEY AFTER HE PASSED IT. IF RICHARD WERE TO LOOK BEHIND HIM HE WOULD SEE NOTHING BUT A TERRIFYING DARKNESS, DARKER THAN A BLACK PEICE OF PAPER. BUT RICHARD HAD TO KEEP HIS EYES FORWARD AS WHAT WAS BEHIND HAD ALREADY PASSED AND WHAT WAS AHEAD WAS OH SO MORE TERRIFYING.
RICHARDS DESTINATION WAS 4 MORE BLOCKS AWAY, HE HAD A LONG WAY TO WALK IN THE MISERABLE DARKNESS, HIS LEGS ACHED LIKE A MAN WHO HAD JUST FINISHED A MARATHON, BUT HE HAD MUCH MORE LEGWORK TO DO. RICHARD SQUINTED HIS EYES AND HE SAW A FIGURE DART OUT OF HIS VIEW, THIS SCARED HIM LIKE A SCARY MOVIE.
THE TREES RUSTLED, THE BUSHES SHAKED. RICHARD RUBBED HIS EYES AS THEY WERE VERY STRAINED WHEN HE SUDDENLY HEARD A LOUD *CRACK* WHICH WAS LOUD AND SCARY LIKE THE SOUND OF A BROKEN BONE, BUT HE LOOKED DOWN AN HE HAD STEPPED ON A TWIG, ALMOST SCARY BUT HE IS SAFE FOR NOW.
BUT IN THIS MOMENT OF DISTRACTION THE SHADOWY FIGURE WHICH HE HAD SEEN PREVIOUSLY COULD HAVE BEEN ANYWHERE. BUT HE WAS IN ONE PLACE RIGHT BEHIND RICHARD.
"RIGHT BEHIIIIIIND YOOOOOOU" SAID THE SHADOWY FIGURE, TEMPTING RICHARD TO LOOK BEHIND. BUT RICHARD RESISTED AS HE WANTED TO GO TO HIS DESTINATION AND EAT A NICE MEAL WITH HIS FRIENDS. LITTLE DID RICHARD KNOW THAT IT WOULD NOT BE HIM ENJOYING THE MEAL. THE SAME SNAPPING SOUND HEARD PREVIOUSLY IS HEARD AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME VERY FAR BACK IN THE DISTANCE, THIS PROMPTED RICHARD TO TURN AROUND AND BEFORE HE COULD ASK HE WHO STEPPED ON A TWIG IF THEY ARE OK, THE SHADOW JUMPED DOWN HIS THROAT AND TOOK OVER HIS BODY, LIKE THE BRAIN SLUGS FROM FUTURAMA, BUT INSIDE NOT OUTSIDE.
A KNOCK IS HEARD ON THE DOOR, RICHARDS FRIEND OPENS THE DOOR AND GOES TO GREET HIS FRIEND, BUT WHAT STOOD BEFORE HIM WAS NO LONGER RICHARD...
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS THAT IS NO MORAL. A MAN WAS SIMPLY ATTACKED AT NIGHT AND POSSESED THAT'S LIFE.
CRITICISIM IS APPRECIATED
Wait, you say there is no moral, but there clearly is one. "A man was simply attacked at night and possessed, and that's life" is itself a moral about how this could happen to anyone if they were in a situation similar to Richard!
Ben currently drowning
Posts : 305 Times Spotted by the Killer : 880 Join date : 2023-12-28 Age : 22 Location : Dr0wn1ng
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 12:24 pm
this is great man. read this to my little sister and she turned on all the lights and locked the doors to "protect us" LUL
CreepyPoster35
Posts : 54 Times Spotted by the Killer : 66 Join date : 2024-01-05 Location : Forum
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 1:27 pm
LethalSweety wrote:
this is certanly better.. so you are taking a step in the right direction, but of course no work is perfect.. maybe you should try clarifying the "scariness" of things less.. like instead of "HE SUDDENLY HEARD A LOUD *CRACK* WHICH WAS LOUD AND SCARY LIKE THE SOUND OF A BROKEN BONE" you could write "HE SUDDENLY HEARD A LOUD *CRACK*, LIKE THE SOUND OF A BROKEN BONE".. this is a lot less wordey adn more readable really.. also the build up just isnt that good.. you need to make sure that you pace your story in a way that builds tension and then releases that tension it has built up.. this story has a lot of moments where the tension seems almost wobbly at times really.. it keeps going up and down like he hears the loud crunch and its very tense but then its just him so it suddenly not tense but then the shadow guy is there and its suddenly really tense again.. this could work with better pacing, but the way you have paced these events makes it feel very.. lackluster to say the least..
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE CRITICISM!
I SHAL INTERNALISE THIS FOR THE NEXT CREEPY POST.
MORE CONCISE LANGUAGE BETTER PACING
ghost detective
Posts : 99 Times Spotted by the Killer : 117 Join date : 2024-01-07 Age : 24 Location : prefer not to say
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 4:31 pm
start of message -january 7th 2024-
*pip*
okay this is pretty good. spooky i like it. yet a little too simple to my tastes. this story was interesting it had a part where it was rhiming almost like a song i believe that could be... um... strong? (that one didn't work that well)
i think i'd be neat if next time you write something like this you made it all rhyme, kinda like a dr. seuss book!
*beep*
end of message -january 7th 2024-
CreepyPoster35
Posts : 54 Times Spotted by the Killer : 66 Join date : 2024-01-05 Location : Forum
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 5:58 pm
ghost detective wrote:
start of message -january 7th 2024-
*pip*
okay this is pretty good. spooky i like it. yet a little too simple to my tastes. this story was interesting it had a part where it was rhiming almost like a song i believe that could be... um... strong? (that one didn't work that well)
i think i'd be neat if next time you write something like this you made it all rhyme, kinda like a dr. seuss book!
*beep*
end of message -january 7th 2024-
THANK YOU FOR THE INPUTS!
MAYBE I WILL TRY TO DO A DR SEUS STYLE CREEPY POSTA WHEN IM BETTER, BUT I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS FOR THE PLAGARISM GOBLIN THING TO TRY AND MAKE IT ALL RHYME, THANK YOU AGAIN.
ghost detective thinks this post RULES
LethalSweety
Posts : 257 Times Spotted by the Killer : 277 Join date : 2023-12-28 Location : Uncanny Valley
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 7:34 pm
excuse me?? hello why are you aberrations continuing to give out criticism when it is explicitly clear this is my duty?? have YOU ever actually written any well received creepypastas.. have YOU ever seem creepypastad in real life.. no?? my point exactly you cretins i have all of the proper qualifications if you keep trying to give out criticism your just going to confuse poor creepy and his stories will become complete NONSENSE..
Darksun95 thinks this post SUCKS!!!
LethalSweety
Posts : 257 Times Spotted by the Killer : 277 Join date : 2023-12-28 Location : Uncanny Valley
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 7:35 pm
i rub my temple and sit down this is why im never having kids..
The Collector
Posts : 547 Times Spotted by the Killer : 563 Join date : 2023-12-29 Location : EVIL Pokemart... KiKiKi!
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 7:42 pm
Hehehe... Talking about creepypastas is one of the main points of the forum, we can all give our two cents if we like! No one chef should hold all the kitchen knives... let someone else have a 'stab'! Kikiki! KIKIKI!
ChefLinguini thinks this post RULES
LethalSweety
Posts : 257 Times Spotted by the Killer : 277 Join date : 2023-12-28 Location : Uncanny Valley
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 7:44 pm
you can talk about it idont fucking care just STOP STEALING MY JOB..
johnthemoderator 5 star user cannot be banned or warned
Posts : 355 Times Spotted by the Killer : 2147483647 Join date : 2023-12-28 Location : HELLFIRE
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 8:19 pm
scary
ghost detective
Posts : 99 Times Spotted by the Killer : 117 Join date : 2024-01-07 Age : 24 Location : prefer not to say
Subject: Re: CREEPY POST 2 Sun Jan 07, 2024 8:26 pm
start message -january 7th 2024-
*pip*
LethalSweety wrote:
you can talk about it idont fucking care just STOP STEALING MY JOB..
oh what is beeing an ignorant runt on the internet a job now? seriously giving critisism isn't that hard, even a 8 yearold could do it. just sit down, you're not that guy.